"Phil! You don't need any more shoes!" Larry barked.
A pair of very gaudy shoes flew through the air. Larry watched them as if they were a fly ball and did his best to catch them. Flop. The shoes landed on top of three boxes Larry was already carrying for Phil. He wasn't only carrying the boxes, though. Phil had hooked hangers onto Larry's shirt collar and dangled many ugly t-shirts over his arms. They were supposed to go out and gather up Tim and Robby, but Phil insisted that they had all the time in the world to go shopping. The two guitarists were in an expensive shoe outlet, though Larry was definitely elsewhere in mind.
"We have the cash to burn!" Phil exclaimed, picking up another pair of shoes off of a shelf and examining them. "I like these. They match really well with my personality."
Phil showed the shoes to Larry. They were knee-high zip-up white latex boots. "Those are...nice," Larry lied, keeping a straight face. "Can we go now?"
Phil rolled his eyes and placed his ugly new pair of boots on top of the other items that he had forced Larry to hold for him. "We can't leave without getting you some shoes, silly!"
Larry wondered what it could have possibly been that Phil saw in him that made him think he liked to shop. The last time he purchased an item of clothing was years ago. He took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. "How about I go to the nearest food court and you can buy me something to wear?"
"Really!?" Phil leaned very close to Larry's face, grinning a frighteningly wide grin. "Maybe I can get you something metallic so it matches that nice necklace you always wearin'."
The necklace Phil mentioned happened to be very special to Larry. It was a a pure silver eagle feather his grandfather had given to him as a gift when he was a kid. He never took it off.
"Sure. I'll take your stuff with me," Larry said, trying to shorten the conversation.
Phil shoved his cell phone into Larry's pocket. Larry did not like the fact that Phil's hand was so close to his lower body, but he fought the urge to shove him away because he didn't want all Phil's fabulous clothes falling onto the floor.
"Just call Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum when you find some place to eat, mmkay?" Phil said, as a mother would say to a child before hustling them off to school.
Larry hurriedly paced out of the store with Phil's things and into the nice shaded area outside. He immediately dropped the boxes and began to remove all the hangers from his person. As he removed the last of Phil's purchases, he realized there were two women standing in front of the outlet, watching him. He turned away in shame.
One of the two ladies walked up to Larry and tried to get a look at his face. "You're cute."
Larry looked down at her. She was small, thin, blonde, and about ninety percent of her body was showing. She was the perfect woman.
"Thanks, you're not half bad lookin' yourself." He flashed a smile at her.
The girl giggled. "I have a friend who would love to meet you," she said, putting her elbow up on Larry's shoulder. Larry looked back at the other girl. She was a carbon copy of the girl that was speaking to him.
"Yeah?" he asked, waiting for the other girl to come over to him.
"Yeah, he's a real nice guy."
Larry paused. "Wha- I'm not-" He stared down at the boxes. "Those are my friend's-"
"Don't be shy!" said the girl that Larry had hoped to be introduced to. "We know plenty of gay guys!"
"I'm not gay! Those are not my things! And him-" he pointed at the store window, in which the two girls could obviously see Phil, "he might be very happy to meet your friend. I'm just lookin' for a nice lady to take home!"
"So tense!" said the girl with her elbow on Larry's shoulder. She wrapped her thin, tanned arms around his. "Maybe you can wind down at our friend's party. We were just on our way. It's gonna be real hot."
"That sounds great! I'm part of a band, you know," Larry said, regaining his composure.
"Sexy." The blondes said together.
Larry looked into the store. Phil was still busy with his shopping, and Larry hoped that the ugly pair of shoes he was eyeing were not for him. He was not going to miss this opportunity to get some consideration from Pittsburgh's real ladies.
"So, where's this party gonna be?"
The girls giggled simultaneously. "We'll take you."
Larry walked off with the two girls, leaving Phil's new wardrobe behind on the pavement.